a rough dayy. it is.
POSTED ON: Thursday, March 6, 2008 @ 7:29 PM | 0 comments
aloha.hmph. was pretty stressed lately. some individual. the cheerleading thing. haish. regrets. i am so full of regrets now. thought of really enjoying the last week but to no avail. why must this always happen to me? i regretted helping people.next time, do something must think thoroughly first. tu lah. ada hati nak tolong orang tapi akhirnya makan diri sendiri. tak ke kerja gila tu? hmph?
yes. i know. tolong seorang kawan dan tidak mengharapkan balasan dari orang yang sama. my mum taught me tht. my dad as well. even cg ashikin taught us about this just now. tapi, tak sampai hati lah. die-die must help juga. kesian. but, in a way. i feel that its burdening me. we have not got anything sorted. well, i think we dont. the steps, the songs, the costumes. everything. macam mana ni? sobs. and i think i can't dance. i am so kaku. bloody shit.
okay. this may sound as a flaky piece of whining. but its fact. its better that i express everything here right, rather than i let it out on my mum or my adik. kesian they all. besides, this is my blog. i have the control on what i write. i feel like crying...now. again. for i dont' know how many times. gosh, i guess its true. my tears are the cheapest thing. must learn to control.
school. was suppose to be kecoh and hyper today. but, my partner, akhyar tak ader. absent. so, i am all alone tolerating everything. but a disclaimer here. i am not responsible for any feelings offended okay. i just write to express myself based on how i feel and what happened. sorry.
i need you to shut up. to keep quiet and talk when necessary. i didn't mean this to be harsh but pls, i noe that i never did this before, but i am BEGGING you. i didn't mean to just shut the real you inside whose begging to let free. i just want some peace. i need you to control yourself. there's time for everything. nonsense, laughter, jokes; they all have a time. and its not 24/7. mind you, its not. i can laugh along with you and i can be serious as well. so pls. i may sound too harsh and too direct now at this very moment but i feel that this is the right way for me to convey the message. i don't know if you get it. and i don't wish to know either.
whatever that i said to you earlier, is not something that comes out from my mouth when i am irritated. but, i want you to know that it's something that comes out because i care. i care for you. i care for every friend that i have because i cherish their friendship. i am blessed to have friends like you. but, as i said again, there's time for everything.
maybe it's my fault. because i tend not give people second chances and i tend to expect too much from people. especially people like you. so, from the bottom of my heart. sorry. truly sorry. yes. i am trying to learn to give people second chances but second chances have to be earned right cos second chances are not like a tissue paper. you use one and throw and ask for another one. it's not like that and its a whole different thing altogether. i noe its hard. for both me and you. and maybe some other people. i don't know.
i am still in the process of understanding you. the real you in fact. so, i tried my best. and i hope you would too. i hope that this works vice-versa. i try to understand your attitude and you should make an effort to understand mine. i hope this works.
i'll try.
i'll end of with this.
Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. ~Anne Frank~
so thank you so much, i am sorry, goodbye.
Blogging to express, not to impress.
