Confused.
POSTED ON: Monday, October 27, 2008 @ 6:38 PM | 0 comments
Oh God, was like really sick today. down with fever and a high temperature. i cant make it to AMIRA's belated birthday celebration cum watching HSM 3 with clique. So, let's see what i did. Play with Aleem, Read novels/storybook, eat medicine and then sleep. I sleep for what seem like ages and im like still zoinked out now. If only, im not sick, then i can go with clique. Bummer betul. Hahaha. So practically, I was on my own. Sick in bed and complaining why im sick for million times today. Terseksa betul. :( Sorry guys, if i screw up today. :#And i swear i looked pale and messy. Very horrendous. My lips are pale and i dont have the appetite to eat.Hahaha. And my neighbour 'complained' that i like lose weight already. Haha. It must be because of the fever that i had from yesterday. Even eating 1 panadol sounds like a chore to me cos i just couldn't swallow it. Oh god. I thought that the sleep that i had just now would somehow 'cure' me and make the sickness disappear. But i guess, i was like wrong. Im still sick even as i pen down this whole thing.
Anyhow, is there like infocomm on wednesday and thursday? Haryati say got. In any case, I can only make it on wednesday cos thursday i have CIP with those kiddies again. I must get well again if not for myself- its for their sake. I want to meet Irfhan - hehe.
Well, at least on the whole there's a plus point for me being sick. Hahaha. First and foremost, thanks to akhyar (my used to be partner) for her concern in asking about my condition. And yes, thanks to (amira-knows-who) for endless concern. Hahaha. Don't worry about my condition lah okay. Sakit sikit jer. Tak yah risau-risau. Thank you so much for your concern. Im sure that i'll recover soon. I appreciate all that you had done and im sorry that i couldnt like pay back all of it. Its not easy to payback all of this you know. I guess, silently i got to admit that yes, that someone's concern towards myself really made me happy. I don't know how i could ever repay back all those words. No amira, its not about what you state in the message about me being urm 'sell expensively'- translate to malay. Its about my future and myself. I know that yes, that someone really meant well. But, urm nevermind. I just cannot do it. Its not the right time yet. I guess all that i want to say now is that Im confused. Confused with what i want in life and what that has already happened. Entahlah. I tried to resist like a lot of times, until i have no more reasons to give. What is wrong with me? And, what is wrong with my life? oh god. oh god. oh god.
i guess i'll end here for now. This quote's like really meaningful. "Semakin kuat aku ingin mengusirnya, semakin juga dia datang memasuki hatiku..." What am i supposed to do? Gotta go my own way? Hmmm...
Ciao babes.
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