Curahan Rasa, Luahan Jiwa
POSTED ON: Friday, April 24, 2009 @ 9:23 PM | 0 comments
Biarlah malam ini menjadi saksi segala-galanya...Yang tersurat, yang tersirat.
Yang terletak jauh nun di hati.
Yang amat sukar untuk kuluahkan kini...
A lot of things have been playing in my mind these few days. Sometimes, it left my nights unanswered. Im wondering of all the possibilities. Of tomorrow. Of the days following that. Of the emotions that i'll be experiencing. It's complicated, but you'll never know. Yes, if you're wondering. It's tomorrow.
As u know, ive always set the standards for myself. To do well. To go beyond my expectations. To reach out for my dreams. And I'll always try my best in whatever i did. just hope that all the effort of all of us would be well paid tomorrow. All the blood, sweat and tears. Yes, sweat and tears. All the stressful days and crying nights. All when you need to set your priorities straight and sacrifice all that you love. All when you started to stop, think and wonder. Oh my gosh, am i doing the right thing?
Well, the journey's never been an easy one. The vigorous practises. The voice projection. The remarks. The heavy content. Plus, exams. And the time. Time constraint. Less time for you know, the ME part. So yeahs. And the whole thing's just 5 minutes. Well, at least, it's 5 for my part.
But, allow me to tell you. The winning part was the sweetest. It's as if the whole thing was lifted off our shoulders at the moment. And the tears. Yes, the happy tears were a symbol of success and the persistance to pull through. This whole vigorous experience has really taught me alot. Be it mentally or in my daily life. How time were of the essence. How and why things happen for a reason.
Pardon me if you happen to read my rants here. Because this is exactly what im feeling right now. I have to let it out because i guess, i need to make space for others as well. As i type this right here, right now, lots of things went through my mind. Im wondering what happens if this... if that... yeahs, all the negative stuff. but overall, i guess its not the winning that matters but its the process of us working together. The success is the whole other thing. Yes, it matters. but well, you see. a lot of other things matter in life as well.
life has been hectic these few days. on top of the emotional crap that im going through. well, hey, am i the only one who's feeling all of this or what? high on one moment and way low the next moment. sheesh. make-up classes. debate meetings during recess. tuition. exams. to top it all up, me. yes me. i dont seem to find time for myself anym0re... how pathetic can my life ever get.
and there were days where i feel so suckish. so moody. so emotional. that the slightest things could trigger my emotional imbalance. i felt like i wanted to throw the cards in. just stop whatever im doing. and see how and what will happen for a while. but i can't do that, can't i? i can't stop whatever im doing because it never stops. time keeps moving and things keep happening. its hard to manage but im trying hard. real hard.
i feel sorry for all the people whom i at times flare up because of some stupid, childish things. i got so worked up with a lot of things that at times, i tend to get unhappy with myself and the people around me. i appreciate their love and support and words but at times, i guess im too caught up with things to even realise what is happening.
and how pathetic can my life be. hearing the song 'hanyalah satu' on 31 yesterday. and i started to get teary and emoyy. okay, that song is sad. like really. but, well. why did i cry because of that? oh wells, don't bother that. life has to go on no matter whatever happens.
at times, im wondering. i feel lost. i don't know who to hold on to. yes, family's always my number one but ahh! at times, i feel lost amongst all the drama that im in. i see stories unfolding in front of me. but at every page, i try to seek and search for where i stand. at times, i got too confused with all the scenarios that are revolving around me. all the people who were with me might have understood what i meant.
i kept telling myself, that everything would be over before i knew it. i will be the happiest person again. the one who's always smiling again. but i know i can't lie to myself. yes, maybe i could lie to all the others around me but i know what im feeling. omg. that quote again. oh wells, just so you know its a universal quote so anyone in the world is entitled to use it. its not as if its original from someone or something. amaliah please.
i guess, the problem here is just that i need a space to breathe. to understand what is happening and figure things out a little. amaliah always pulls through alright. no matter how tough it may be. with Allah's help, insyallah, may the impossible be possible.
wish me luck tomorrow.
TKGS Boleh!
lots of loves
Good Night.
Blogging to express, not to impress.
