AMALIAH, I LOVE YOU!
POSTED ON: Sunday, July 12, 2009 @ 1:51 PM | 0 comments
hello. "I want nobody, nobody but you!" - heh. still hangover from Firah's.
well, fardhu ain exams today. so far, so good. haha. hope that i can ace that one though. first up, new blogskins i suppose. im tired of seeing the old one. so black and sombre. it's like a reminder of many different memories all twisted somewhere. some that i don't even want to untwist it even. here's to the vibrant change (:
went to Firah's yesterday. haha. was so freaking high and everything. kept squealing as if im a 5 year old girl. dance and sang off-pitch (hope not) to the Wonder Girls song with her yesterday. after that, went VIVO-ing with cik nasir's family as well. ate at Swensens. laugh at a few obscene acts and sick-looking lovey dovey couple with the cousins. oh my god, i swear got stomachache after that. and the meal was heavenly. like really. fish & chips and cookie summit. its been some time baby... yesterday was really, really the best. met up with the cousins had always been the best thing yet.
i found for myself what i had wanted to know about yesterday. in a way, i guess, i got the answer to most of the questions that i had in mind. didn't have the courage to see it for myself actually. but then, that cuz of mine persuaded me to get it over with once and for all. at least, now i know that it exists which is a good and bad thing. depends on how i view it afterall right. whatever it is, i dont want to keep thinking about it. it's all over and done with anyway. don't expect me to go and retrace the footsteps okay?
i guess, i should try to be happy here. no matter how difficult it might be. the keyword here is 'try'. since i've not even try to make the effort then how would i know if it's going to be hard or easy?
just let the stories unfold around me but i guess i don't want to be the character in it anymore. i don't know what's the mistake but it'll always end up as a tangled piece of mess somewhere. maybe, i should just pause and look what happens. see the effects for a little while before i continue to make my assumptions. or maybe, i just have to learn to just stop making the assumptions. like literally, stop. tell me that i refuse to have faith in whatever that happens and i'll just have to tell you its true. at least, now, it's true.
i believe that i shouldn't be selfish here. i guess, i should be thankful that my love ones are always here with me. cheering up my days with their nonsense. haha. but it actually helps though. maybe, it's a blind spot that i refuse to see. people come and go, you know. i guess, i have to agree with farah. people come and go. it's a matter of fact whether i want to accept it or not.
tell you frankly, life has to go on. i want to be myself again you know. the happy-go-lucky girl who freaks at datelines, the loud girl who has that 'never-give up' aura. that's actually me. the real me. not the me now behind everything that im going through. im going to leave all of that behind. if that's what it takes, im going to risk it.
whatever it is, i guess im going to be strong, appear strong, whatever. things like this just have to go. i can't afford to have this sort of emotional imbalance whatever. it doesnt matter anymore that there were memories. i have a feeling that all of this will come to an end somehow. it might not happen now but i'm ready to put a full stop and close this chapter in my life. yes, right here. right now.
maybe it's true they say, time changes everything. this whole thing sounds as if im going to lose something. oh wells, i dont want to know. i didnt say it was easy nor did i deny that it will be a little bit hard. but i believe, if i put my mind in something i will be able to do it. im going to leave all of that behind. im going to study hard and hopefully, progress on with my life. it's not necessary to always look back, you know.
"Don't cry cos it's over, smile cos it happened maliaah..."
with loves.
Blogging to express, not to impress.
