They regulate the rhythm I'm breathing.
POSTED ON: Saturday, October 2, 2010 @ 5:49 PM | 0 comments
Hello everyone.
It's been quite sometime since I have a proper update. Alot of things have happened. I think, you should know that right? For some, it has been ages since they see the real amaliah. Amaliah who is always very loud and high and loves to disturb others. What you get now is the really simplified version of her - more serious and reserved than usual. Until my own uncle can even comment about me when he visit my Dad at home. "Amaliah, gosh. You are so different now. Dah kurus sangat. Where is the old amaliah?". I have no answer for that. I suppose, the old amaliah faded into thin air after what had happened.
Of course, no one is to be blamed. Its not as if its anyone's fault anyway. It's the way I cope with the mess of things that happen around me. Every single day, I am hoping to get through unscathed. Sometimes, I still have nightmares after what happened. That just shows how much I am affected by it. But once at school or with the people who loves me, I'll try to be the amaliah that I used to be. Because seeing them worry makes me feel alot more sad. But life had to always go on. No matter how hard it is, I need to learn to cope with it and just pray for the best of things.
I hope you realised I care. Because I do. I really, really do. Even though I didn't really ask much. What's there to ask about anyway? I hope you understand that what happened had really hit me and it hit me hard. I try to put a strong front for people but I think you have no idea how difficult it can be for me sometimes. Being just 16 and have to juggle the study and emotional commitments. If I could just say that I wish it wouldn't happen, I really would. But, who am I to say anything against God's fate and destiny. Everyone faces challenges and I should just learn to accept that honest fact. I love you and I still do. No matter what, you're always the one that I think of every passing minute. Despite everything, please believe me. Please know how much I care for you. Because it truly saddens me if you think that I don't just because now I seem to lock myself out from people. Im trying to cope with it, please.
For all who had cared for me and was always there for me, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. For cik mah, who never failed to turn up every morning no matter rain or shine to send us to school even though she's busy with work, thank you. For cik yah, who's always there as my emotional support, thank you. I know how important this last and final lap is, and I am going to go all out to achieve my dreams. There's nothing that I can do after what has happened but one things's for sure, I can still control what I want my future to turn out to be.
For cik ita and cik nasir, who's there for me at that crucial moment, thank you. I know that I could rely on you guys and could always count on you as pillars of support. For nenek who is always worried about us, especially me who refused to eat that much during that crucial and heart-wrenching week, thank you for caring. I am so lucky to still be blessed with that love and care from you. For mummy, papa & kak dy, who brought me to karaoke at their house after prelims just so I wouldn't be too affected by it, thank you for always trying to cheer me up. We karaoke-d until I lost my voice. I had an awesome time with you guys.
Hmm, who else to thank. Oh yes, to kak mel, thanks for being my sis and bibik awesome when I really needed your company. You made me laugh at the times when I really need it and you are always there as my listening ear. For wak ipah, thank you for the concern and love. For calling up to check on me to see if I'm being my stubborn self and refusing to eat. For cik normah & aunty irene, thanks for always being there for my mum. As her pillar of strength to hold on to at times like these. As sisters who cared for her. For dearest firah, thank you so much for being there for me, love.
For my close friend, nurul akhyar, of course my thanks and gratitude goes out to you as well. Thanks for being a caring friend who's always there for me. Thanks for being my listening ear also. Thanks for being my nurse who takes care of the stubborn patient. Last but not least, for you. Thank you. For everything. For withstanding my stubborness and for being able to understand exactly how I feel. You know it's not been easy for me but yet you didn't complain. Your words made me realise how I can't continue to look back and how I must prioritise and stay focused.
With loves.
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They regulate the rhythm I'm breathing.
POSTED ON: Saturday, October 2, 2010 @ 5:49 PM | 0 comments
Hello everyone.
It's been quite sometime since I have a proper update. Alot of things have happened. I think, you should know that right? For some, it has been ages since they see the real amaliah. Amaliah who is always very loud and high and loves to disturb others. What you get now is the really simplified version of her - more serious and reserved than usual. Until my own uncle can even comment about me when he visit my Dad at home. "Amaliah, gosh. You are so different now. Dah kurus sangat. Where is the old amaliah?". I have no answer for that. I suppose, the old amaliah faded into thin air after what had happened.
Of course, no one is to be blamed. Its not as if its anyone's fault anyway. It's the way I cope with the mess of things that happen around me. Every single day, I am hoping to get through unscathed. Sometimes, I still have nightmares after what happened. That just shows how much I am affected by it. But once at school or with the people who loves me, I'll try to be the amaliah that I used to be. Because seeing them worry makes me feel alot more sad. But life had to always go on. No matter how hard it is, I need to learn to cope with it and just pray for the best of things.
I hope you realised I care. Because I do. I really, really do. Even though I didn't really ask much. What's there to ask about anyway? I hope you understand that what happened had really hit me and it hit me hard. I try to put a strong front for people but I think you have no idea how difficult it can be for me sometimes. Being just 16 and have to juggle the study and emotional commitments. If I could just say that I wish it wouldn't happen, I really would. But, who am I to say anything against God's fate and destiny. Everyone faces challenges and I should just learn to accept that honest fact. I love you and I still do. No matter what, you're always the one that I think of every passing minute. Despite everything, please believe me. Please know how much I care for you. Because it truly saddens me if you think that I don't just because now I seem to lock myself out from people. Im trying to cope with it, please.
For all who had cared for me and was always there for me, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. For cik mah, who never failed to turn up every morning no matter rain or shine to send us to school even though she's busy with work, thank you. For cik yah, who's always there as my emotional support, thank you. I know how important this last and final lap is, and I am going to go all out to achieve my dreams. There's nothing that I can do after what has happened but one things's for sure, I can still control what I want my future to turn out to be.
For cik ita and cik nasir, who's there for me at that crucial moment, thank you. I know that I could rely on you guys and could always count on you as pillars of support. For nenek who is always worried about us, especially me who refused to eat that much during that crucial and heart-wrenching week, thank you for caring. I am so lucky to still be blessed with that love and care from you. For mummy, papa & kak dy, who brought me to karaoke at their house after prelims just so I wouldn't be too affected by it, thank you for always trying to cheer me up. We karaoke-d until I lost my voice. I had an awesome time with you guys.
Hmm, who else to thank. Oh yes, to kak mel, thanks for being my sis and bibik awesome when I really needed your company. You made me laugh at the times when I really need it and you are always there as my listening ear. For wak ipah, thank you for the concern and love. For calling up to check on me to see if I'm being my stubborn self and refusing to eat. For cik normah & aunty irene, thanks for always being there for my mum. As her pillar of strength to hold on to at times like these. As sisters who cared for her. For dearest firah, thank you so much for being there for me, love.
For my close friend, nurul akhyar, of course my thanks and gratitude goes out to you as well. Thanks for being a caring friend who's always there for me. Thanks for being my listening ear also. Thanks for being my nurse who takes care of the stubborn patient. Last but not least, for you. Thank you. For everything. For withstanding my stubborness and for being able to understand exactly how I feel. You know it's not been easy for me but yet you didn't complain. Your words made me realise how I can't continue to look back and how I must prioritise and stay focused.
With loves.
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