Promises, forever after.
POSTED ON: Wednesday, December 28, 2011 @ 7:28 PM | 0 comments
hello world.
There are 3 days left in 2011. Afterwords, it's off to another grueling year - 2012. The year where alot of things are bound to happen and ultimately, alot of changes are bound to take place. 2011 itself, have been a roller coster ride and a fast paced journey nonetheless but at the same time, I learnt to be a more stronger and less judgmental person. Which is a good, good thing. Really.
When 2012 kicks in, there's going to be little space to breathe. What's with preparations for A-levels, Manifestasi and tutoring more kids now and at the same time striving for my personal goals, it can really be a hectic one. Nonetheless, I truly hope that all will be well and smooth sailing so that I can come out of it unscathed. Even if there are bruises, I hope that it won't be anything major. Insyallah.
Honestly, I am afraid to see the outcome of 2012. Because, me being me, I am afraid that I won't be able to adapt or cope with the pressure and stress that surrounds me. Anyways, put that aside for now. Hmm, it truly amazes me how someone so far (like physically and distance wise) can read through me like an open book. I know that my mood swings are apparent but the fact that one notices and that one asks about it show's how observant that person is to my surroundings.
Because naturally, people might overlook. Especially, if that person isn't really an important fixture or aspect in one's life. Sometimes, I feel guilty for doubting and wondering and truly asking myself if you're since. The year is coming to an end now, but I am still brittle with trust. That made me a vulnerable person right? Maybe it's cos, I witnessed alot of unhappy endings where trust is in concern. To some, trust doesn't matter anymore. It's more of enjoyment and well, bliss without it. And for some, blind trust leads them to believing and unable to let go although circumstances didn't allow them to be together anymore. Because sometimes, the other party is just too nice to deserve the pain inflicted.
I fear to trust. Not only in myself. But in the people around me. And mum always tell me, 'don't ever trust others easily.' So right now, I am still dancing that awkward dance of trust, mistrust and trust. And I wonder and ponder for every single waking moment of my life, if all of this is truly sincere. If you mean what you say The fear of getting hurt again is just very high. That's why I'd rather things stay the way they are. Maybe, when Im older enough and are more able to make better judgements for myself, than i'll consider things in other perspectives. Oh wells, let time decide.
As for personal life, I suppose won't be bothering much this 2012. Haha. As per usual, all relationship stuff is at the back of my mind - not ready yet, I'll always say. Hehe. *grins coyly* For now, it's all fun and nothing too serious. Thank god I am not too busy looking for the perfect person to fill up that spot in my heart. Hahaha. At least, the odds of me finding an imperfect person that I could be perfectly happy and contented with is possible. (: Hahaha.
Sometimes I guess, we're just different yet similar in a way. Sama tapi tak serupa. We have different views about different things and our style of working is different. I'm more of a morning person, while you can't really get up in the morning. Hehe, lazy bum. I'm more of the traditional stay at home kind of girl who did household chores, cook sometimes, and do boring stuff like reading and writing in my diary while you're the never stay home kind - always on the go, always somewhere and always in the company of someone. Restless to stay at home, I must say.
But I'm glad, to see that most of your holidays this year is spent with your family. Yet, in the midst of it all, we're similar in that sense that we're super stubborn and unrelenting, perfectionists at heart and wanted the best for the people that we love the most in the world. But at the same time, we can be sweetly annoying, irritating and argue with each other over trivial stuff like nobody's business. Hahaha.
But still, a definite improvement from our primary school days where we can't stand each other for a second - me hating you for every single minute that you were in my class. Haha. Recalled those times where we'll just roll our eyes at each other and you always have some smart remark to make. Oh yes, to top it all up, the one where we wanted our CCA to win the Inter-UG race. Hehe. Which Red Cross consecutively won, year after year after year. Hahaha. Those old meridian moments. Oh wells.
On this note, cheers to all the wonderful people who made my 2011 a wonderful and blessed one. (:
Love always.
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Promises, forever after.
POSTED ON: Wednesday, December 28, 2011 @ 7:28 PM | 0 comments
hello world.
There are 3 days left in 2011. Afterwords, it's off to another grueling year - 2012. The year where alot of things are bound to happen and ultimately, alot of changes are bound to take place. 2011 itself, have been a roller coster ride and a fast paced journey nonetheless but at the same time, I learnt to be a more stronger and less judgmental person. Which is a good, good thing. Really.
When 2012 kicks in, there's going to be little space to breathe. What's with preparations for A-levels, Manifestasi and tutoring more kids now and at the same time striving for my personal goals, it can really be a hectic one. Nonetheless, I truly hope that all will be well and smooth sailing so that I can come out of it unscathed. Even if there are bruises, I hope that it won't be anything major. Insyallah.
Honestly, I am afraid to see the outcome of 2012. Because, me being me, I am afraid that I won't be able to adapt or cope with the pressure and stress that surrounds me. Anyways, put that aside for now. Hmm, it truly amazes me how someone so far (like physically and distance wise) can read through me like an open book. I know that my mood swings are apparent but the fact that one notices and that one asks about it show's how observant that person is to my surroundings.
Because naturally, people might overlook. Especially, if that person isn't really an important fixture or aspect in one's life. Sometimes, I feel guilty for doubting and wondering and truly asking myself if you're since. The year is coming to an end now, but I am still brittle with trust. That made me a vulnerable person right? Maybe it's cos, I witnessed alot of unhappy endings where trust is in concern. To some, trust doesn't matter anymore. It's more of enjoyment and well, bliss without it. And for some, blind trust leads them to believing and unable to let go although circumstances didn't allow them to be together anymore. Because sometimes, the other party is just too nice to deserve the pain inflicted.
I fear to trust. Not only in myself. But in the people around me. And mum always tell me, 'don't ever trust others easily.' So right now, I am still dancing that awkward dance of trust, mistrust and trust. And I wonder and ponder for every single waking moment of my life, if all of this is truly sincere. If you mean what you say The fear of getting hurt again is just very high. That's why I'd rather things stay the way they are. Maybe, when Im older enough and are more able to make better judgements for myself, than i'll consider things in other perspectives. Oh wells, let time decide.
As for personal life, I suppose won't be bothering much this 2012. Haha. As per usual, all relationship stuff is at the back of my mind - not ready yet, I'll always say. Hehe. *grins coyly* For now, it's all fun and nothing too serious. Thank god I am not too busy looking for the perfect person to fill up that spot in my heart. Hahaha. At least, the odds of me finding an imperfect person that I could be perfectly happy and contented with is possible. (: Hahaha.
Sometimes I guess, we're just different yet similar in a way. Sama tapi tak serupa. We have different views about different things and our style of working is different. I'm more of a morning person, while you can't really get up in the morning. Hehe, lazy bum. I'm more of the traditional stay at home kind of girl who did household chores, cook sometimes, and do boring stuff like reading and writing in my diary while you're the never stay home kind - always on the go, always somewhere and always in the company of someone. Restless to stay at home, I must say.
But I'm glad, to see that most of your holidays this year is spent with your family. Yet, in the midst of it all, we're similar in that sense that we're super stubborn and unrelenting, perfectionists at heart and wanted the best for the people that we love the most in the world. But at the same time, we can be sweetly annoying, irritating and argue with each other over trivial stuff like nobody's business. Hahaha.
But still, a definite improvement from our primary school days where we can't stand each other for a second - me hating you for every single minute that you were in my class. Haha. Recalled those times where we'll just roll our eyes at each other and you always have some smart remark to make. Oh yes, to top it all up, the one where we wanted our CCA to win the Inter-UG race. Hehe. Which Red Cross consecutively won, year after year after year. Hahaha. Those old meridian moments. Oh wells.
On this note, cheers to all the wonderful people who made my 2011 a wonderful and blessed one. (:
Love always.
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