Every cloud has that silver lining. (:
POSTED ON: Monday, August 29, 2011 @ 4:02 PM | 0 comments
hello world.Okay, ignore my previous post. Wasn't in the best of moods so I tend to just speak my mind off things. Anyways, i realised that i shouldnt be too pessimistic. You know, there's still so many things in life that i can be happy about. Haha. Erm, what they say? There's a cause for optimism in every little thing that happened. And i guess, these people are correct. There are so many things for me to be thankful for especially since Syawal is tomorrow. Alot of things should have been better than the last, i hope.
Hmm, talking about hari raya, it brings me my past nightmares last year of daddy's accident. To be really honest, it still affects me most of the time. I still get traumatised thinking about it even. Gosh, but alhamdullilah, it wasn't really serious. Me, mum and aleem were able to pull ourselves together with the support of our love ones of course. And I am so thankful that for this year Syawal, I still have Daddy around with me. Couldn't imagine Syawal in any other way - it will just be incomplete.
But in a way, I guess last year's trial was God's way of testing us, seeing if we could put others before our ownselves. It requires tremendous sacrifices and willpower to get through each day. I remembered how Mum assure us that we can pull through this together even though i know that she isn't sure of it herself. We always had to keep that special look out for Aleem - fearing and always checking up on him especially since he became withdrawn throughout that whole period.
I was worse. Never an image of strength - always feeling helpless and crying when it happened. I did wonder why of all people, God chose this on us. Why are we the chosen ones? But I think, I found the answer now. It was because God love us, and God wanted to see how we cope as a family. Let's hope that we passed this test of His with flying colours.
To date, I wasn't able to talk about this accident and confront it face front. Too many uncertainties and fear still overcomes me. I still refer to the accident as 'it'. It happen. It. Every scar on daddy is a painful reminder of 12 September 2010. The 3rd day of Syawal. Syawal last year was so bleak with 2 weeks of it spent in the burnt ward at SGH. Yes, it was THAT serious.
But I guess, there's a silver lining to it all. Mum's love to dad and all her sacrifices for him was just unconditional. You could see the pained look in her eyes everytime Dad groans in pain. Mum is just like a superwoman - always running here and running there to ensure that things will be okay for all of us. At least, part of our lives is normal somewhat despite what happened. I remembered how expensive her tears were during that trying period. She would maintain a brave front in front of all my aunts and uncles and even her own mother only to break down in the vicinity of her own home. She must be exhausted during those periods yet she didnt even grumble one bit.
I remembered how she was so patient in answering the phone calls from concerned individuals who asked about daddy. She was always that patient. Mum, how could you ever be like that?
As for me, well, I took many roles as well. As a sister and a mum at home and a student while mum is visiting daddy in the hospital. I made sure Aleem did the necessary - eat, study and pray. Afterwords, grant him that occassional breaks after his study. And to me, life was just school, home and hospital. I didnt even get to see daddy in the hospital for one week to concentrate on olevels prelims.
I remembered having to buy take outs every single day of the week and forcing myself to eat when I just dont feel like it. I was so stressed and so exhausted after so much crying. And it's really that bad cos I lost 5kg in just a week - practically a living skeleton. In a way, that made me independent if not more responsible.
So, thats Syawal 2010. I hope Syawal 2011 will be better, insyallah.
Love always.
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