Learning things the hard way.
POSTED ON: Monday, December 13, 2010 @ 12:35 PM | 0 comments
Hello all.I was a bit moody from yesterday evening after being high for days already. Someone asked if I would be going anywhere this December (which I always do, every single year of my life) and I started to get so emotional and sad after that. Looking at how everyone went somewhere for the holidays and all the pictures in FB actually made me wish and wish and keep wishing that things wouldn't be like this and I would have a perfect happy ending. But, I guess, things were beyond my control. My happy ending isn't happening anymore. Its not what I wanted it to be but a whole different thing altogether. A very, very different thing. Haiz.
Mum says its not good that I sigh when I told her today that if September 12 didn't happen, I would've been out of Singapore. On a holiday somewhere after working my butts off for my olevels. But, hey, guess what, here I am, in Singapore still. What can i do? Just see pictures of people enjoying themselves and going away while I stay here in this lonely,lonely island. Its not what I wanted but since, I'm stuck with it, then, no choice. Might as well, you know, make the best of it? Oh wells, I don't know.
And what's pretty ironic was how I was so excited to plan for 2010 at the same time December last year. I plan to work really hard (which I did) and to enjoy 16th birthday (which I also did) and to have the perfect raya and yes, to end off the year, the perfect holiday that I was anticipating after 2 years. I wanted to take the plane. And yes, my langkawi holiday. But things changed, I guess. And I was only making myself feel alot better.
My love ones offered to bring me out, and said that staying in Singapore isnt as bad as it really seems. You name it, Orchard, Bugis, PRP, Airport, Zoo - but somehow, i don't know. I just felt numb. I was normally the excited girl for all this kind of trips but I just don't feel like it anymore.
I wanted a perfect ending. But, I realised that that's not going to happen, at least, maybe not this year. December was the month that I was anticipating come every year but this year, I wish December would pass soon so I can re-start my life come January again. I guess, now I've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and an end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next.
I may have planned alot of things but ultimately, I musn't forget that whatever that happens is still God's will. 2010 has been a rough year for me and maybe there's a silver lining beneath everything that I went through now. People may think that yes, the painful episode might have passed but don't forget about the aftermath. The effects. With each passing day, I tried to be patient and lead on my routined life as best as I could.
And when they asked if I'm okay, I will deceive them by agreeing that nothing's the problem. I don't want them to take sympathy or did things just to make me happy. Its not going to work. But, somehow, I realised that beneath it all, I am still blessed in other areas if I look at things closely. I still have a wonderful family who's willing to pull me through this together. And I should be really thankful that our family bonds are rock solid not like some others.
Because I know, that wherever I am and no matter who I'm with, I know that I have a father who can make me laugh to bits and pieces with his lame but hilarious jokes, I have a mother who not only cook nice things for me but also a friend who can talk to me about anything. We share the wonderful mother-daughter relationship ever and she's my best shopping partner and best friend. Lastly, of course, a wonderful and amazing brother who loves me as much as I love him and who never fails to cheer me up every single day. What more can I ask for right?
With loves.
Blogging to express, not to impress.
